open } { who's house are you hauntin' tonight?

[imnot_likeyou]

[Here, world. Have a Sam.

He's in a library, somewhere, reading a book about something bad that's eating people. To anyone else he probably seems really creepy, but he promises, he's only just a geek. He really likes books. They're cool.

In fact, he likes this book so much that he's not really paying attention to where he's walking and will probably walk right smack dab into someone if he isn't careful. he's moving from the stacks to one of the tables where he's got a bunch of other books piled up regarding things that eat people.

It's for a job. Don't judge him too much. Feel free to bother.]


[I'm in withdrawal and my go-to place for posting Sam is ... not available till tomorrow. If you want this in a specific verse, specify a verse. If we don't have a verse, but you want it in a specific point in the canon timeline, specify that. If not, you're getting S6-current-canon!Sam. Have at him.]

Comments

[imnot_likeyou]

This has all been great, but if you don't have anything helpful? I've got work to do. Thanks for telling me what I already know.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[Eyyyyeroooll] And as usual your head's stuck so far up your ass, you could lick your own tonsils. Has it occurred to you yet that maybe a series of unfortunate and catastrophic events happening at the same time might be connected? Not that you give a damn about what's happening upstairs, but for the sake of the boys behind the Pearly Gates who gave you half a shot in the last war, maybe you might wanna start paying attention.

[imnot_likeyou]

[huffs a breath before letting his hands flop to his sides]

So what do you want us to do? Yank Cas out of war he's fighting just to chat when the people he's fighting with need him more than we do? Unless you have time to play Q and A, which knowing you, I really doubt.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Last I checked, Dean had no problem yanking Castiel's feathery ass down here to help you, but I'm not talking about him. He may be stepping in it, but he's not the angel who's gonna blow this whole thing wide open and let Serial Mom have her way with this place. You following me yet?

[imnot_likeyou]

[is ... not following you Gabe, because if it's Balthazar ... he doesn't exactly remember him. AMNESIA IS CONVENIENT THAT WAY.]

And ... that would be you?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Oh right. That whole soul thing screwed with your melon. [LOOK. HE CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING.] Well, let's just say if you meet an angel who acts like the smarmy British version of me, try to keep tabs on 'em. The bastard's family, but he's almost outta aces and you've seen what happens to angels when their best laid plans start getting mucked up. Uriel. Zachariah. I could go on.

[He circles Sam a bit and then pivots on his heels to face Sam's back.] Look, since there's no way you're gonna grasp this without me, there's this whole bedtime story that might help you out. You see, every human out there thinks it all began with a void and Daddy going, 'Clap on' and making this outta nothing. And it's crap.

[imnot_likeyou]

[alright. Sam likes a good story. turns to face him, before leaning against the shelf]

So what did happen?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Well, for starters? Daddy wasn't the only one circling the void. There were three. [He holds up three fingers.] You've got the Mother, the Father, and Death- the great equalizer and that uncle that no one wants to invite to the family reunions. If you wanna get technical? All three of 'em shaped the world. God's in His Heaven, Mom's in her Purgatory, and Death's everywhere. All three of 'em in balance? Everyone goes home happy. If they're not... [Gabriel clicks his tongue] Well, you get a whole lot of what's happening right now. Death's always got things under control and when the time comes? He'll reap Daddy and Mommy both, but until that day, he's just sitting on the sidelines, waiting for the twins to calm the fuck down for two seconds.

So. With Daddy you've us and humanity. With Mommy, you've got the monsters. And Death's got his brother Horsemen- think of 'em like extensions of himself. They're just parts of the same whole... I mean, when you get down to it? What do War, Famine, and Pestilence really do, hm? And everything's fine.

'Til now.

[imnot_likeyou]

Till we screwed up the Apocalypse.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I wasn't yanking your chain before, Sam- in Daddy's divine little plan? You and your brother ended it, and what's left are a handful of monsters and the cockroaches, which means Mommy's supposed to get the Earth for her personal plaything now. World stays in balance. The Age of Humanity comes to an end... You get it.

But now we've got a power gap in Heaven you could ride a bus through, Dad's nowhere to be seen and Crowley's little pack of alphas- ask your brother about that one, even I don't get what he was smoking there- are running to tell Mommy that her rightful throne's not hers. They get the right tools, they bring her up here and, well... All Purgatory breaks loose. Apocalypse: Part Two. The Remastered Edition.

[He spreads his hands] Everything's got it's consequences. So you tell destiny to shove it? Good for you- but destiny shoves back. Hard.

[imnot_likeyou]

So what do we do now? Shove her back in?

[he knows it's not that easy, he's just waiting for "the point of the story is ... "]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

I'm giving you the backstory the lore won't give you, kid. You should be thanking me. You're gonna have to find out the real answers on your own. Just watch out for Balthazar- if you think I was a hot mess during the apocalypse? You've got another thing coming. The bastard's got his hands on weapons Mommy Dearest would give her vestigial virgin vessel for. Weapons that can take Heaven down if put in the wrong hands. He's not in this to save us- he knows he's fucked when Raphael and the big boys come down off their celestial powertrip, and he ain't going down without a fight. Big bad monster with an angel selling her info? You boys've got your work cut out for you.

[imnot_likeyou]

[sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose]

Well ... thanks. For the heads up.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

This is your life, Sam. It don't get any easier. [Have a... Really rough arm pat. Stupid angel strength.] Good luck. And, uh, don't say I never did anything for you.

[imnot_likeyou]

[grumbles and waves]

Bye, Gabriel.